The tall, older gentleman with a head of thick silver hair worked his way slowly around the room with his wife beside him, shaking hands and greeting people as he went. He wasn’t hurried and spoke with each person as though he had all the time in the world for them and that person was the only person in the world. He listened carefully and responded to their comments with smiles and pats on the shoulders. I realized he knew many people there but there were also a number of people he had never met.
My husband and I were attending the 90th birthday celebration of his sister. She lives in a care facility owned and operated by a local church. The gentleman greeting people was the administrator of the care facility and a minister. It was obvious that serving people was his life’s purpose and that he immensely enjoyed being there for them. He took extra time with the 90th birthday celebrant. It was easy to see why this care facility has such an excellent reputation and is usually full.
Reach out. It’s such a simple act. When it’s done by someone who genuinely cares about people and makes them feel special by giving them full attention, the way is paved for developing new relationships and nurturing existing one. Reach out! The world will embrace you.
Giving Beyond What is Expected
My friend, Karen (not her real name), and I were walking through the patio at a charming resort in the middle of Tucson after enjoying a delightful lunch and visit. A lady sitting at a patio table asked Karen if she knew where a shopping center was in relation to the resort. She and her colleague were from London and would be in Tucson a couple of weeks working at Kit Peak Observatory. They were enchanted with Tucson and we were charmed by their lovely accents.
Karen gave them directions to nearby shopping malls and asked what local tourist sites they had visited. She also suggested various sites she thought they would enjoy. Then, she pulled out some paper and began drawing maps and writing directions to guide our visitors to those places. The visitors from London were very appreciative of her help. To top it off, Karen wrote down her name and phone number in case they needed or wanted to call her!
Giving beyond what is expected — what a beautifulway to pave the way for both personal and professional relationships!
Oh, no! The charge for a bottle of nail polish wasn’t on my credit card receipt! That meant I would have to make a special trip back to the beauty supply store so they could add the charge for the nail polish.
A couple of days later when I was in the area, I took the nail polish to the store and told the clerk she had not charged me for it. Her eyes opened wide and she said, “No one ever does this!” I answered with, “Well, if you had charged me double, you can bet I would be back in here!” Another clerk joined us and we continued to chat. They told me there was a sale on the polish I had bought, beginning that day, and I would get an extra free bottle. Honesty pays, literally, even when it’s a pain. Walking our talk always pays. Always.
As I left the store, I knew that being honest had just paved the way for on-going relationships.
September 21, 2011
Listening Beyond Listening
She called because she needed me. But I didn’t know that. I picked up the phone and tried to move the conversation along so I could leave to run my errands. But something in her voice stopped me. Her words came a little slower than usual and there was a catch in her voice now and then. I put my purse down and concentrated on really listening to my new friend. Listening with my ears, my heart, my mind and finally, my ears.
After we talked about the weather and the local news, I asked her, “What’s going on? You sound a little down.” Her Marine son was being sent to Iraq for a second tour and leaving a new wife at home for a year. Suddenly I was really listening. The memories of my grandson’s tour in Iraq washed over me. I immediately understood her fears, apprehension, and doubts. I knew my experience would not really help her so I spared her the long version and simply assured her that I understood and would be there for her. Any time. Day or night.
I “heard” her spirit rise a bit as we said goodbye. It’s good to listen with more than our ears. We can hear so much more. Listening beyond listening paves the way for relationships.
September 13, 2011
The attractive woman in my workshop was like a sponge, absorbing the information and reaching for more. The workshop was about networking to get a job. Karen (not her real name) was highly qualified and had been searching for a position for many months, like so many people in this current economy.
That evening, I received an email from her thanking me for the workshop. I was impressed. This doesn’t happen often!
A week later, I received a lovely hand written thank you note in the mail from Karen, again expressing her appreciation for me and what I had given at the workshop. Now, that rarely happens!
I didn’t know this woman but through interacting with her personally at the workshop, her resume, email and handwritten note, I felt like I knew her. By reaching out, Karen had paved the way for a budding relationship. I forwarded her resume to two friends who have great contacts.
What happened?
Karen’s spontaneous expressions of appreciation and acknowledgement made me want to know her better and help her. Relationships don’t blossom into full grown, living things overnight. The “paving the way,” or pre-relationship process is important and necessary. Paving the way for relationships is easy, risk-free, fun and fruitful! Who knows what great possibilities will evolve?
Our Choices Determine Our Lives
Have you ever driven through cities and wondered why some neighborhoods are so beautiful and tidy while others are shabby and even unsafe? Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have such good lives and others appear to experience failures and loss?
I think all of us have asked these questions. I certainly don’t have all of the answers and realize that much in life is beyond our control. Yet, I’ve noticed that successful people, in life and in business, nearly always share a similar trait. They possess the ability to make good choices.
This means they have the ability to foresee the results of their choices and the self discipline to make the choices that will give them the results they want. They are not driven by the “instant gratification” need or the tendency to blame others for their so called bad luck. They assume responsibility for their own lives, set goals and priorities, create an action plan and then make choices that will generate the results they want. If it doesn’t work out, they evaluate the process and start again. Their businesses flourish. Their lives are rich.
Where do we learn how to make good choices? Unfortunately, this is not formally taught in our educational system and not everyone has the good fortune to learn this skill in their home environment. If we are going to thrive as a healthy society, we must learn how to teach others how to make good choices! As a Trainer and Life Strategy Coach, I guide my clients in making good choices that will have positive, lasting impact on their lives. When more people have learned how to make good choices, we will see great improvements in business, education, government and the world in general.
I would love to hear your comments about making choices!
Donna Reed, Trainer and Life Strategy Coach
Tools For Achievers
Use clarity to define yourself.
Several years ago, after selling my networking business, I knew I wanted to work with groups and individuals but I wasn’t sure what my title should be. Clarity is one of my strengths so I used clarity to reveal my strengths and choose my title which is, Trainer and Life Strategy Coach.
How did I know this was the “right” title for me?
1. “Trainer” and “Life Strategy Coach” align with my skills and experience.
2. Feedback from clients tells me I stand in my power when I work within these roles.
3. It feels right in my gut. We all know what it’s like when something “feels right.” I trust my intuition when it speaks to me.
For several years now, I have been working as a Trainer and Life Strategy Coach. The title defines me and I define my work.
In my newsletters, available at www.toolsforachievers.com, I include Questions and Answers from the “Coach’s Corner.” Some of these Q and A excerpts from past issues are shared with you below.
Q. How do I know if a coach will help me?
A. What do you need? If you need help with decision making, moving forward or breaking new ground, the chances are the appropriate coach will be a great asset for you as you work through the processes to accomplish your goal.
Q. How can I select a coach who will be right for me?
A. Know what you need and want. Then, interview several business or life coaches to find the best match for you. Have a list of questions to ask each one. Ask them how they structure sessions, etc. Ask them about their fees. Most coaches give a free session, which may be half an hour or a full hour, to help both of you learn if you will be a good match and if they possess the skills and personality that will work best for you.
Q. What kinds of issues and situations can be helped by using a coach?
A. Almost any issue and/or situation can be improved through the assistance of a coach. There are coaches for almost any person and any need. Remember, coaches are not counselors or therapists so deep seated personal needs should be directed to the appropriate professional. There are Business Coaches, Personal Coaches, Life Coaches, Strategy Coaches and others. When you define your need, ask friends and colleagues if they know a coach who can help you. Contact the ones that interest you. By talking to them, you will learn which one(s) can serve you best.
Q. Do coaches have coaches?
A. You bet! We have our own “blind spots”, hit the wall now and then and realize we need the insights and expertise of another professional coach who can guide us.
Q. How do you know when it’s time to stop seeing your coach?
A. When you have completed the work you have been doing with your coach or when your coach no longer meets your needs. Review your reasons for hiring a coach and evaluate the progress you have made. You might want to reduce the frequency of your sessions, see your coach quarterly for a “check up” or discontinue coaching completely for the time being. The key questions is, “Have your needs been met?”
Q. What if I really disagree with something my coach asked me to do?
A. Ask your coach why she/he wants you to do this. If the reasons don’t make sense to you of if you still resist taking the action, tell your coach you are not comfortable doing this and ask if there is an alternate action to take or if you can just elliminate this action. Your coach wants to facilitate your success and growth. Clarifying what you are, and are not, willing to do contributes to your professional growth.
Q. Is it appropriate for me to contact my coach between appointments?
A. Most coaches have policies about contact with clients between appointments ranging from complete access to highly structured and scheduled phone calls and e-mails. Ask your coach what her/his policy is about this before you begin working together. This could even be the determining factor for working with a coach. Knowing the policy will set the guidelines for clear, beneficial communication between the two of you.
“Walk your talk. You gain credibility and respect when your actions match your words.”
This tip applies to both coaches and clients.
From “Networking Tips That Build Powerful Connections” by Donna M. Reed