The Gifts of Adversity – Gift #3
“I can’t do everything!” I’ll never catch up!” These were my responses when I looked at my life while going through chemotherapy following a mastectomy for breast cancer. My usual high energy level was cut in half. At times, it was hard to concentrate on what I was doing and what needed to be done. The chemo sessions would last six months! How would I make it? How could I keep it all together?
Gift #3. Learn to set priorities. If I couldn’t do it all, then I needed to learn what had to be done and what didn’t have to be done, or could be delegated to others, or could wait until a later time. Deciding what was really important began to make life simpler and decision making more effective. By keeping my focus and energy on my priorities, I knew I could get through this. And, I did!
Professional application: Set priorities in your business, profession or job. Put them in writing where you can see them every day. And, don’t forget to make yourself your first priority because it all starts with YOU!
One of the really scary things about having cancer, or any debilitating illness or disease, is the awareness that you can’t control what happens. It’s easy to feel powerless in these situations. You may even feel like a victim. While going through surgery for breast cancer and the rigorous chemotherapy that followed, I realized there was much that I could not control even in my own body. That’s when I saw Gift #2 in this time of adversity.
Gift #2. I may not be in control of what happens to me but I am in control of my reactions and attitudes. I can choose my attitudes. I can choose to be grateful or resentful. I can choose to be positive about my recovery or I can choose to be negative and tell myself I won’t make it.
In 1956, Viktor Frankl wrote, “Man’s Search for Meaning” which described his experiences as a concentration camp inmate and his method of finding a reason to live. He learned that everything can be taken from a person but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. Because he believed that, he refused to give up his human dignity and survived a horrible experience.
Professional application: I can choose my reactions to a bad economy, failing businesses, losses and all other circumstances in my life. I can choose to have a positive attitude toward life.
In September, 1995 the surgeon looked me in the eye and said, “You have breast cancer and we have to take care of this right now.” I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. How could this happen? I didn’t need this! I had a thriving small business, an active social life, many friends and a wonderful family that were the center of my universe. I did NOT have time for surgery and chemotherapy!
But I did. My life depended on it. I had a wonderful staff and we quickly put systems in place for the business to run smoothly. My family came together to love and support me
One week after learning I had cancer I had a mastectomy on my left side. This was followed by six months of rigorous chemotherapy. I was tired. I lost my hair. My thinking wasn’t as quick and sharp as usual. But I got through it!
Recently, I had three hernia surgeries within an 18 month period. I had pain for all of the 18 months. But I got through it!
As I went through these life altering experiences, I realized good things actually came from these painful events. I began to look for what I called “the gifts of adversity” and now I want to share them with you from both a personal and professional perspective. I know I’m not the only one to go through rough times and find the gifts in them so I invite you to share some of the gifts you have received from the difficult times in your life.
I will describe one gift a week on my Blog site. Please share yours!
Gift #1. This moment is all we have. When they took me in to surgery, I wasn’t thinking about the marketing I need to do for my business. As the powerful chemo went into my body through the IV, I wasn’t thinking about the past. I was concentrating on sending positive thoughts to guide the chemo where it needed to go. I was living fully in the moment. What a good lesson for me! When I live in the moment, I release regrets from the past and I don’t worry about the future.
Professional application: I don’t have to repeat my mistakes or worry needlessly about my plans for the future. When I totally focus on this moment I can see and take advantage of its opportunities while I smell the flowers.
Our Choices Determine Our Lives
Have you ever driven through cities and wondered why some neighborhoods are so beautiful and tidy while others are shabby and even unsafe? Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have such good lives and others appear to experience failures and loss?
I think all of us have asked these questions. I certainly don’t have all of the answers and realize that much in life is beyond our control. Yet, I’ve noticed that successful people, in life and in business, nearly always share a similar trait. They possess the ability to make good choices.
This means they have the ability to foresee the results of their choices and the self discipline to make the choices that will give them the results they want. They are not driven by the “instant gratification” need or the tendency to blame others for their so called bad luck. They assume responsibility for their own lives, set goals and priorities, create an action plan and then make choices that will generate the results they want. If it doesn’t work out, they evaluate the process and start again. Their businesses flourish. Their lives are rich.
Where do we learn how to make good choices? Unfortunately, this is not formally taught in our educational system and not everyone has the good fortune to learn this skill in their home environment. If we are going to thrive as a healthy society, we must learn how to teach others how to make good choices! As a Trainer and Life Strategy Coach, I guide my clients in making good choices that will have positive, lasting impact on their lives. When more people have learned how to make good choices, we will see great improvements in business, education, government and the world in general.
I would love to hear your comments about making choices!
Donna Reed, Trainer and Life Strategy Coach
Tools For Achievers
Use clarity to define yourself.
Several years ago, after selling my networking business, I knew I wanted to work with groups and individuals but I wasn’t sure what my title should be. Clarity is one of my strengths so I used clarity to reveal my strengths and choose my title which is, Trainer and Life Strategy Coach.
How did I know this was the “right” title for me?
1. “Trainer” and “Life Strategy Coach” align with my skills and experience.
2. Feedback from clients tells me I stand in my power when I work within these roles.
3. It feels right in my gut. We all know what it’s like when something “feels right.” I trust my intuition when it speaks to me.
For several years now, I have been working as a Trainer and Life Strategy Coach. The title defines me and I define my work.
In my newsletters, available at www.toolsforachievers.com, I include Questions and Answers from the “Coach’s Corner.” Some of these Q and A excerpts from past issues are shared with you below.
Q. How do I know if a coach will help me?
A. What do you need? If you need help with decision making, moving forward or breaking new ground, the chances are the appropriate coach will be a great asset for you as you work through the processes to accomplish your goal.
Q. How can I select a coach who will be right for me?
A. Know what you need and want. Then, interview several business or life coaches to find the best match for you. Have a list of questions to ask each one. Ask them how they structure sessions, etc. Ask them about their fees. Most coaches give a free session, which may be half an hour or a full hour, to help both of you learn if you will be a good match and if they possess the skills and personality that will work best for you.
Q. What kinds of issues and situations can be helped by using a coach?
A. Almost any issue and/or situation can be improved through the assistance of a coach. There are coaches for almost any person and any need. Remember, coaches are not counselors or therapists so deep seated personal needs should be directed to the appropriate professional. There are Business Coaches, Personal Coaches, Life Coaches, Strategy Coaches and others. When you define your need, ask friends and colleagues if they know a coach who can help you. Contact the ones that interest you. By talking to them, you will learn which one(s) can serve you best.
Q. Do coaches have coaches?
A. You bet! We have our own “blind spots”, hit the wall now and then and realize we need the insights and expertise of another professional coach who can guide us.
Q. How do you know when it’s time to stop seeing your coach?
A. When you have completed the work you have been doing with your coach or when your coach no longer meets your needs. Review your reasons for hiring a coach and evaluate the progress you have made. You might want to reduce the frequency of your sessions, see your coach quarterly for a “check up” or discontinue coaching completely for the time being. The key questions is, “Have your needs been met?”
Q. What if I really disagree with something my coach asked me to do?
A. Ask your coach why she/he wants you to do this. If the reasons don’t make sense to you of if you still resist taking the action, tell your coach you are not comfortable doing this and ask if there is an alternate action to take or if you can just elliminate this action. Your coach wants to facilitate your success and growth. Clarifying what you are, and are not, willing to do contributes to your professional growth.
Q. Is it appropriate for me to contact my coach between appointments?
A. Most coaches have policies about contact with clients between appointments ranging from complete access to highly structured and scheduled phone calls and e-mails. Ask your coach what her/his policy is about this before you begin working together. This could even be the determining factor for working with a coach. Knowing the policy will set the guidelines for clear, beneficial communication between the two of you.
“Walk your talk. You gain credibility and respect when your actions match your words.”
This tip applies to both coaches and clients.
From “Networking Tips That Build Powerful Connections” by Donna M. Reed